Brown Family Update — Man Against Society, Man, Nature and Self

Man against Society:

This past weekend was church's "youth conference" and it was held in Superior, AZ.  That meant we didn’t see much of our teenagers, Zach, Anna or Josh.  On Friday night I was looking forward to a quiet night with Lily and Sam, or non-teenagers, but that didn’t happen.  Before I knew it, we had four girl cousins over and three boy cousins – plus some friends.  I set up a tent in the basement per their demands (a tent would not last very long outside with our crazy dog) and then retreated to my quiet bedroom while they partied.  Jill stayed out in the kitchen area, ironing shirts for me (sweet wife) and watching Hallmark shows (a little too sweet for my taste).

Man Against Man:

The girl cousins got picked up before it was too late, but the boy cousins were spending the night.  Knowing I couldn’t just tell them to go to bed and not hear another sound, I went downstairs and parked myself near the tent, waiting for them to fall asleep.  When they noticed their grumpy uncle wasn’t leaving, they settled down and fell asleep pretty quickly.

Man against Nature:

Bad picture of a Montana bear, meant to represent "nature".

At about 12:30 a.m. I awoke to loud barking and clucking.  I went outside with a flashlight to investigate.  What I found was our Golden Retriever, a/k/a the Sock Retriever, a/k/a the Citrus Tree Slayer, sitting in our fenced-off chicken run barking like mad.  I had no idea how she got in there (it was the first time in the year she’s been with us).  I expected to find carnage of the worst sort, but all of the chickens were perched on the highest rafter in the coop, huddled together out of harm’s way.  I’m sure it was just a matter of time before one of them lost her grip and fell to the jaws of a very happy dog.

Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy.  I put the dog in her kennel and decided to wait until the morning to figure out the problem and then solve it.

Well, in the morning the boys let the dog out and then went to feed the chickens.  Bad idea.  Careful to close the gate behind them, they soon found the dog inside the children run with a chicken almost in her jaws.  It turns out that she had learned how to push herself underneath the fence to break into the run.   I guess once she learned how to breach the fence, she couldn’t resist and threw discretion the wind.  Luckily the boys were able to save the chicken and get the dog back into her kennel.  And now we knew her secret entryway.  Later in the day I fixed the problem.

Some would advocate for an electric “training” fence, but I prefer to the old “man against nature” approach to life.  It’s only cost me several hundred dollars, a few chickens and trees, and some sleep.

Meanwhile, the citrus trees are doing well.  And our new garden, which is also fenced off, is doing well.  Except the tomato plants.  I think I planted them a tad too early because it got cold a few nights ago and the plants look like they took a beating.  I’m hoping Miracle-Gro (a “man” invention) can salvage my fight against nature.  If not, I may need Home Depot to help “man” by giving him more tomato plants to plant.

Man against Self:

I’ve learned that me against self is a pretty bloody battle.  But with my wife, children, extra fencing, new and/or replaceable chickens and trees, Miracle-Gro, and Home Depot, “self” doesn’t stand a chance.